1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
