i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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