just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
