You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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