so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
