Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
