Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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