I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
