im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
