Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize