so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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