he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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