If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
