I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
