Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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