Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
