I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
