what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
