there's paper in my vomit.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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