Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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