You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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