we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
