i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
