Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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