So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
