we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
