I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
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