Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
