I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he was CRYING into my vagina
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
