i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
