Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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