Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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