I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
