I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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