i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Come back. Shots need mouths.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
