I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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