You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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