Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Semen is not good for contacts.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
