3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
