Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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