Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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