there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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