i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
