it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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