i will never coherently bang her
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
