I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
