why didn't you poke me back
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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