I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
