I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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