Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
