So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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