Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
