Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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