just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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