I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
