First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
