he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
