So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
