I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
