I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
