I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
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We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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