Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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