i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
