with your own penis?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
