I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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