I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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